I figured I would take a brief break from saying OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW and CAN I HAVE SOME GINGER ALE PLEASEEEE? and WHY CAN'T I HAVE MORE PAIN PILLS? and "WHY ARE THESE DAMN PILLS MAKING ME PUKE? and I THINK I TOOK TOO MANY STOOL SOFTENERS!! and "MY BELLY IS SOOOOOOOO UGLY" and "BUT I THOUGHT HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO CLEAR THE TUBE! WHY DID HE NOT CLEAR THE TUBE GEO? WHY? WHY?"
to say hello.
I think if you've checked into this blog sometime this weekend you would see that things aren't going super great in Baggage land.
I think it all started Friday morning. I had to be at the surgery center at 6:30. I got up at 6:00 so all we have to do is get dressed and drive over there. But Geo gets up and says he has to take a shower. And I flipped out. NO! NO! NO SHOWER! We have to go now. They said be there promptly. Your showers are too long. We'll never be there promptly!
Then Geo has to sit out in the lobby until Bug got picked up. Meanwhile, they attempt to start an IV on me. First, they give me a shot so that the IV won't hurt. Geo questioned the logic of this later, but I just sat there and cried. "I'm afraid of needles. Really afraid. I hate them. I had to get anthrax shots and they hurt and really I'd rather not have the IV." The nurse told me to shut up. So she stuck me once and I could feel her sigh. No go. Then she stuck me a second time. No go. The other nurse said that the IV couldn't go in because I was shaking like Shakira and needed to stop.
Meanwhile, Geo comes in and I start wailing to him. (I was a model patient) "They couldn't get it in and I want it to stop! AHHHH" Then the nurse comes back in with a little shot glass full of something and I took it and then I didn't care what the hell they stuck in my arm.
Then the anesthesiologist (or someone related to that) came in and she had bought a car from Geo and that pissed me off because hey! I was the one getting the surgery. And I said, "Um, yeah, I don't want to go to surgery." And so she starts questioning me if I really want the surgery and that they can't proceed if I don't say yes. And of course, NO, I don't want the stupid-ass surgery so I say "Um, yeah, I guess" and she says "We can't proceed until you say yes!" and at this point I want to chuck my fuzzy blue slipper at her but the pink juice has made me too loopy. So I say "Yes, I want the surgery" and I jump up on my bed, my bare ass bouncing in the wind and sing, "Give me some surgery, I love surgery, please go investigate, I think you're really great!"
After that, they quickly shoved me down the hall where I saw Dr. Gel and he said "How are you?" and I said, "I'm scared" and he said "Good! Let's go!" and we went into the operating room and there were two big lights and I stared at them and the next thing I know I woke up and Geo was there. Apparently I had surgery for about an hour and then went to the recovery room and then came back to my private room.
I had the following conversation with Geo about 900,000 times:
Me: What did they say?
Geo: They said you've got one really good ovary and tube. It went "wooosh" with the dye and it is real nice and perfect.
Me: What about the other tube?
Geo: It's pretty messed up honey. You had adhesions and they got them off of you and cleaned out your uterus good. But your other tube, it is blocked but you've got one good tube and he says you have a real good chance of babies!
Me: Oh. I don't want a bad tube.
(ten seconds later)
Me: Hey Geo, what did they say about my surgery?
Geo: They said you've got....etc.etc.etc.
Anyway, you know most of the rest of it. Here are some random things before I pass out again:
1. My belly button looks like testicles.
2. One of my scars has two marks on the side of it. I'm not sure why but it makes an arrow. Geo says the arrow points at my cha. I think it points at my non-dead ovary.
3. I am very angry about my dead ovary (Galinda) and it's associated blocked tube (Satan).
4. There have many times during the past weekend that I wish I had not made it through the surgery.
5. My landlord is selling the house I live in. So I have to move.
6. Try not throw up after abdominal surgery because it hurts like hell.
7. I have been selected as a writer for two new blogs. Both are in the initial stages, so give it some time, but if you can check them out I'd be happy. www.hollywoodsnark.com and www.realitytvobsession.com
8. My doctor just called to tell me that I do not have any STD's. So um, I've got that going for me.
9. I wanted to write ten things but I'm so tired that I think I'm going to pass out. I'm going for now.
Thank you guys for your comments, they are keeping me going.